REFUSING DAWN

June 6, 2012

“Outside… I’m masquerading,

Inside…My hope is fading..”

Smokey Robinson, from  ” Tracks Of My Tears”

–              –            –             –               –

REFUSING  DAWN  and    GUTS  FOR  LOVE

i)

I can Recognize, but hell,  I can’t Realize so well.
I’d drink more coffee but my cardiologist insists I don’t

I’d drink more coffee but my heart man prescribes “not so smart, man”.

I’d think more whiskey would push me to bask at last in a primal light,

but my general practitioner generally frowns about practicing until I get it right.

I’d read more but eyes see less.. I digress,

I’d come 2/pray more/give in/give more/dream-sleep in/weep for once/

walk the lit dark like I used to/ take the darklight I’ve refused to.

I can Recognize, but hell,

I don’t Realize so well.

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ii)

Right away I’ve forgiven

What I’ve been given.

I might say I’ll take it

What I might now have.

I’ve taken my lot, my vacant lot.

And I’ll water down the ardent growths

That break through spots, my weakest spots.

I’ll wander down the advent of loss.

I’ll instill my wander with intent.

I’ll start to still instill my wander with intent.

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(from 2009 & 2010)

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.”You are going to have to give and give, or there’s no reason for you to be writing. You have to give from the deepest part of yourself, and you are going to have to go on giving, and the giving is going to have to be its own reward.  There is no cosmic importance to your getting something published, but there is in learning to be a giver”  — Anne Lamott

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